As the year draws to a close and the days grow short, we tend to turn inwards. Most of us spend time reflecting on our achievements and challenges of the year past. If we set New Year’s resolutions last January, we might dig them up. Regardless, many of us conduct a mental review, considering the question, “How did I do?”

As a trained psychotherapist and writer of self-help books, I am a strong believer in setting milestones. Fixing our sights on attainable as well as stretch goals can help us to stay focused, prioritize, commit, and get things done. At the end of the day, when we do reach our goals, we feel a well-deserved sense of satisfaction.

And yet, this practice of evaluating and assessing the year as a stand-alone, 12-month chunk concerns me. What happens when we don’t reach our goals within that narrow time frame? (And many of us don’t. In fact, research indicates that 80% of people have broken their New Year’s resolutions by Valentine’s Day.) We are prone to judging ourselves harshly. We can fall prey to calling ourselves losers, lazy, unworthy of success, and a host of other derogatory names.

In 2009, I didn’t finish my memoir. Nor did I start a family. These were my two highest priorities for the year. So I guess you might say that I failed. I did, however, unexpectedly spend four months having fantastic adventures on Expedition: Blue Planet, traveling to India, Botswana, and the Middle East. I served the planet by raising awareness of critical environmental issues. I added to my skill set by learning how to write documentary films. I edited a memoir, and co-authored an entire book about inspirational women over forty. I spent precious time with my family in China. I learned more about who I am and what I want in a life partner, how to hold myself during lonely times, how to push myself to my physical limits, and how to let go of my anxiety.

Patty Ivey, a yoga instructor and studio owner in Washington, DC whom I admire greatly, recently told me, “When people come into yoga and ask me for a pose to fix their aching back, I tell them there’s no such thing. We do yoga for the entire body. You’ll only fix the part by working the whole.” So it is with our lives, Patty then pointed out. It can be dangerous to break our lives down into pieces, causing us to lose sight of the bigger picture.

And so, during this time of reflection, we can fixate on what we did or didn’t get done this past year. We can feel elation at certain achievements and transformations, disappointment at so-called failures, and sadness at losses that occurred within the past 12 months. But the question to ask ourselves is not simply, “Did I meet my goals for the year?” The more valuable question is, “How did this year fit into the greater story of my life?”

[Note: This is my latest contribution to the Stanford Alumni Association's Living Well blog.)

Have you ever sworn that you’d lose that final ten pounds… but gained five instead? Vowed that you’d finish the novel you’ve been writing (in your head, that is) for the past eight years… then found yourself using all your spare time to follow three new TV shows? Absolutely positively committed - in your journal, even out loud to friends - to start meditating… then hit the snooze button each morning?

Last week, I posted that in order to increase your chances of sticking to your New Year’s Resolutions you should make them SMART (Simple, Measurable, Action items that are Results-oriented and Time-specific).

This week, I read a somewhat discouraging article in The New York Times about just how miserably most of us do at following through on our New Year’s Resolutions. The article sites a University of Minnesota psychology professor whose research indicates that 80% of people have broken their January 1 promises by Valentine’s Day. Oops.

The good news? Although, according to Change or Die author Alan Deutschman, our efforts to change are “usually doomed to failure” when we try to achieve them alone, working with someone else greatly increases our chances of success.

In short: Time to hire a Coach! Why not me?

Yeah, as in ones that you might actually fulfill.  We all love to make New Year’s Resolutions, but when was the last time you can remember that you followed through?

In order to set yourself up for success this year, your Resolutions should be: Simple, Measurable, Action items, that are Results-oriented and Time-limited

SMART.

For example, instead of “Get in better shape,” make a SMART resolution: “I will work out at least 3 times a week for at least 45 minutes.” Or instead of “I will find more balance in my life,” how about: “I will meditate every morning for 30 minutes instead of watching 3 TV programs per week.”

I can help you write, evaluate, and implement your New Year’s Resolutions! Email me to sign up for a special $100 first consultation through January, 2009.